I have this recurring dream that I'm a recurring character on "Seinfeld".  I guess it's not really a recurring dream so much as my dreams are periodically interrupted by this phenomenon.  It's rather interesting.  I'm the Change Guy.
    I'll be going about my business, dreaming my normal dreams (if you can call them that) when suddenly I'll see Jerry and Kramer walking towards me.  Sometimes it's Jerry and Elaine.  Whatever the case, I think to myself, "I must be in this week's episode!" and I delve into my pockets for loose change.  You see, the running gag is that from time to time Jerry bumps into me (I mean he literally bumps into me) and I drop some change on the ground.  Jerry apologizes and picks the change up but when he turns to hand it back to me, I'm gone.  I've entered a building or gotten into a taxi or disappeared into the crowd.
    Jerry keeps the change in a jar in his apartment and his plan is to find me and give it all back.  Our characters have never met so he has no idea where to start looking for me.  He doesn't even know my name.  All he knows is that every once in a while he runs into me and I drop some change and then disappear.  So, in my dreams, when I see him coming, I have to get some change ready to drop and then get away as fast as possible.  I never see the camera crew or anything like that.  I've never dreamt about discussing the episode with Jerry or with the producers or anybody.  I'll just be dreaming something and then suddenly realize I'm supposed to do my bit and that's that.

    The first time I remember this happening, I was having one of my standard "back in high school dreams.  I dream fairly often about having to go back to high school to take some more classes or to make up a test I missed or to clean out my locker or something.
    This particular dream involved me and Laura and Bob accompanying the high school band, complete with Mr Slothower, the instructor, on some kind of field trip or something.  I dreamt of being on the bus with the band as we pulled out of the Riverdale parking lot and drove to some other high school.
    The kids filed out of the bus, along with Laura and Bob and I, and headed down the hallway.  I don't know if we were to be performing later or if we were there to see a show of some kind or what.  All I know is that I saw Jerry and Kramer coming down the hallway towards us.  I felt in my pockets and was relieved to find that I had ample change.  I made a point of being engrossed in conversation with Laura about something so it would be obvious that I'm not looking where I'm going so I can accurately and believably bump into Jerry.  It seemed to work okay.  I bumped into Jerry, glanced at him briefly, as if to make sure he wasn't hurt, and continued walking, making sure to have dropped a handful of change in the process.
    Oh!  Something I forgot to mention.  I was wearing my sunglasses.  (The Captain Chaos sunglasses for those in the proverbial know.)  They are cheap plastic yellow frames with ludicrously dark lenses.  They belonged to Dave at one time but I've had them ever since we filmed the first Captain Chaos film: Taco Gods.  I love them.  Jenni hates them.  Rightly so on both counts as they are hideous sunglasses.  See, my theory is that sunglasses in general are hideous and so why not go all out and be as hideous as possible?
    So, I'm wearing my sunglasses in order to make the character of the Change Guy immediately recognizable to both Jerry and the audience.  It's my sunglasses that let him know that he is, in fact, bumping into the same guy over and over and it lets the audience know as well.
    I don't remember the rest of the dream.  I only remember that I turned the corner in the hallway and kept walking.  I could hear Jerry and Kramer talking about me but I just kept walking, hoping that I was adequately out of the shot.  I can't remember if Laura and Bob were aware of what was happening.  Maybe they thought I just accidentally bumped into some guy.  Maybe they knew about this odd little acting gig of mine.  Maybe they were stunned that I just nearly knocked over TV's Jerry Seinfeld.  I really don't know.

    I woke up from this dream very amused.  I immediately wrote down as much as I could remember and made a note to tell people about it.  I figured most of my friends would find this amusing and interesting and also I tend to remember more details when I talk about my dreams.

    About a month later, it happened again.  I don't remember any details of this second Seinfeld dream except that when I saw Jerry coming, I only had a nickel in my pocket.  I was horrified that they would be so angry at me for being unprepared for my role that they would fire me.  I was hoping that either Jerry would be able to ad lib something about my only having a nickel or that they could somehow add more change in post-production.
    I was very nervous but I adjusted my hideous sunglasses, got the nickel ready and quickened my step.  I wanted to look like I was in a hurry since I was alone this time and couldn't be pretending to be preoccupied with a conversation.  So I walked briskly and headed straight for Jerry.  The jostling was pretty good.  I didn't hit him too hard but I think it was believable.  I dropped my nickel, turned around and gave Jerry an annoyed look and then walked off quickly.   Was that a mistake?  I wasn't sure.  I had never really made eye contact with him before.  Maybe I'm not supposed to.  Also, I was pretty certain that my dropping of the nickel was too obvious.  Having just the one coin made it feel like I was deliberately pulling it out of my pocket and letting it fall at Jerry's feet.  I felt hokey and ashamed.  I just kept walking.

    I was so ashamed that I actually woke up nervous.  I had let down the Seinfeld gang.  It took me a minute to realize that it was a dream and that I am not really a recurring character on Seinfeld.  Then I felt sad.  My dreams let me down like that often.  I'll dream about finding some really groovy old Carter USM singles in a record store in Chicago or something.  Then I'll wake up and think "Wow!  I should listen to my new stuff!" and then I get sad because I don't really own them.

    I know there were other instances of me dreaming about being the Change Guy but I do not recall them.  I have only a vague sense that I have dreamt it more often than I remember.  To the best of my recollection, Jerry Seinfeld is one of only two celebrities I have dreamt about.  I had a dream about Bruce Campbell once.  Well, it wasn't really about him but he was in it.  We were having a picnic in the Palisades up in Savannah, IL.  Bruce Campbell was there for some reason.  So was Sarah Hanson and also Mr. Tom West - Andy West's father.  I remember very little about this dream except that Mr. West was rambling on about something stupid and irrelevant and Sarah Hanson put down her sandwich, turned to face him and said "Mr West, will you marry me?"  One could practically smell the sarcasm dripping from the corners of her lovely mouth.

    I started writing a scipt for an episode of Seinfeld that would contain my Change Guy character.  It was also about the Lyndon Crow Fest.  In fact, George and Kramer visiting the Crow Fest was the main plot while the Change Guy was a subplot set up to introduce the character.  I got maybe a third of the way through it when it just ran out of steam.  I think I realized that it's not really funny if you don't know what the Lyndon Crow Fest is.  Maybe someday I'll re-write that script.  I know that Seinfeld isn't on the air anymore but I'll probably write it anyway.  Maybe me and my idiot friends can act it out and tape it and put it on public access TV or something.