Once there once was a boy who enjoyed butter a great deal.  He put butter on everything.  And I don't just mean food.  He smeared it all over his walls and on the cat and in his sister's hair and all over his CENSORED.
    The boy's mother would scold him saying, "You really mustn't put butter on your CENSORED.  It will surely do you harm and then you will never be a father like Daddy.  But the boy didn't want to be a father like Daddy.  Daddy was a drunkard and an idiot.  The boy wanted nothing out of life beyond his precious, precious butter.  He wanted to cover the world in butter.
    Years passed and the boy grew.
    On the outside, he seemed to shed his butter fetish but inside, deep inside where little boys keep their dirty, dirty secrets, the boy formed a plan.  On his 18th birthday, the boy bought a gun.  It was easy for him since he looked older than he was.  He even had a beard.  Using the gun, the boy robbed a bank.  He took the money and drove across the border into Iceland where he hid for many decades.  After gaining the trust of the foolish and simple folk of Reykjavik, Iceland's capitol, the boy ran for Chancellor.  When informed that Iceland was a democracy, he ran for President instead.  The boy easily secured the presidency with false slogans and promises of CENSORED extensions for everybody.
    The boy was a corrupt and wicked president; he stole and slandered and slithered his way into being a millionaire.  Using this money, he built many space-pods and filled them with butter.  Launching the pods into orbit, the boy put his diabolical plan into work.  He positioned the space-pods strategically around the world.  Soon, each major city had a space-pod filled with rich, creamy butter hovering thousands of miles above it.
    Now, all the boy had to do was push a big shiny button - a button the colour of egg shells - and the space-pods would open, dumping gallons and gallons of butter all over the unsuspecting earthlings.  His finger poised over the button, the boy allowed himself a villainous chuckle.  He had often seen villains in the movies laugh just before the final phase of their plan was to be put into effect.  Unfortunately for those movie villains, this was usually where the hero would burst in and save the day.
    "Not so fast!" Batman would say, hands on his hips.  Or maybe it would be Keanu Reeves in tight leather pants clearly showing off his CENSORED and carrying a machinegun.  "Not so fast, dude" he would say.  "Whoa!"
    Shaking his head to clear these thoughts, the boy reached again to push the button which would unleash the ocean of butter and drench the world in cholesterol-laden goodness.  But, before he could reach the button, the boy felt a sudden burning sensation in his CENSORED.  He pulled down his trousers and saw to his shock, amazement and utter revulsion that his CENSORED was inflamed and irritated!
    "Oh no!" he exclaimed in terror.  Then, he remembered what his mother had told him once about putting butter on his CENSORED.  Those words which had seemed so unimportant then now haunted him from another time far away and long dead.
    The boy stopped.  Was this what he really wanted?  Did he really want to cover the world in butter?  What if everyone suffered the same fate as his beloved CENSORED?  Did the boy really want to be responsible for such a thing?
    "No!" he said aloud, banging his fist on the console.  "No!  I do NOT want to cover the world in butter.  What I will do instead is give the butter to the people in reasonable doses.  I will provide butter for their popcorn, their cornbread and their baked potatoes.  I will not put it on their cats and their sisters and their CENSOREDs.  I will not force butter upon anyone.  I will give only to those who desire and deserve butter.  For I see now that to have butter is a privilege and an honour.  I have been a fool."
    The boy bowed his head in shame.  And he wept.  He wept and wept until the floor was slippery with his tears.  And as the boy turned to leave the Space-Pod Control Chamber, he slipped on his tears, wildly spun around, fell over and smashed his CENSORED right into the big milky white button.